A rare old bird is the Pelican,
His bill holds more than his belican
He can take in his beak
Enough food for a week
I’m darned if I know how the helican!
A gentleman dining at Crewe
Found quite a large mouse in his stew.
Said the waiter, “Don’t shout
And wave it about
Or the rest will be wanting one too.”
There was a small goldfish named Pinkie
Who went for a swim in the sinkie.
When out came the plug
He whispered “Glug, glug
I’ll be all at sea in a winkie.”
There was an old woman from China
Who went to sea on a liner.
She fell off the deck
And twisted her neck
And now she can see right behind her.
There once was an old man of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time
When asked “Why a third?”
He replied, “One’s absurd!
And bigamy, Sir, is a crime.”
These rhymes were designed by a priest
To affect you religious like yeast.
If they help you to grow,
Like the yeast in the dough.
There’ll be one better Christian at least.
There was a young fellow named Hammer
Whose had an unfortunate stammer
“The b-bane of my life”
Said he, “Is m-m-my wife
D-d-d-d-d-d-**** er !”
I sat next to the Duchess at tea,
Distressed as a person could be.
Her rumblings abdominal
Were simply phenomenal
And everyone thought it was me.
There was a pert young lass of Madras
Who had a remarkable ***.
Not rounded and pink
As you’d probably think.
It was gray, had long ears and ate grass.
A sensitive girl named O’Neil
Once went up in the big Ferris wheel.
But when half-way around
She looked down at the ground
And it cost her a two dollar meal.
A canner exceedingly canny
One morning remarked to his granny
“A canner can can
Anything that he can
But a canner can’t can a can, can he?”
A professional diver named Lee
Makes jumps which the crowd pays to see.
Once he plunged from an oak
Drawing cheers from the folk,
For his shorts remained hung in the tree.